thankful

thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. i love this time of year to reflect on what blessings i have been afforded.

i have SO MANY THINGS to be thankful for. but i am especially grateful this year for one mr darren mower.

i found out last night from his dad that for the past 7 years, he has kept cash on him through out the season to give to those he came in contact with that could use help. my heart literally burst as i was told of my husbands goodness. who is this man i married? how did i marry so far above me?

my favorite thing about all this-he has never told anyone! he was with his dad one christmas eve running last minute errands-darren snuck away while his dad was finishing up with a purchase and happened upon his generosity.

i learn things about darren every day that i love. but today i love his huge heart and that he is mine.

blessed.

tender, tender weekend. i do not know how to express my admiration and love for my curtis family. a few weeks ago the day before and of my grandpa's funeral, it was my curtis family who came and washed windows, cleaned chairs, clean our yard, and offer support as we hosted a dinner at my mom's after the funeral. there is not a better bunch of people than this family.

i am grateful today for many things. especially the legacy of aunt robyn. a woman of character and faith.

all morning i have been thinking of a story told about aunt robyn at her funeral: her daughter came home from school crying, boys had followed her home and thrown rocks at her. robyn bandaged her up, found chocolate suckers and took her daughter down the street to offer treats to these boys. robyn taught and LIVED to give better than received. i want this legacy and know i can do better.

speaking of receiving better than giving, my sweet husband-who made it possible for me to travel to denver by taking my clients, arranging showings with other clients, tending my dog and helping me to get out the door-had 2 dozen, GORGEOUS, fragrant red roses waiting on our kitchen counter when i walked in the door.

i am blessed.

day date

remember on "just friends" how a day date is a bad thing? not in my life!

since my sweet husband is rarely home due to his amazing work schedule/ethic, and since when he could be home he chooses to golf occasionally (ALWAYS, sore subject-we had plans saturday and they were canceled since a chance to golf came up), we made a date to go 4 wheeling tonight. but... this morning after he got up and showered and ready for work he realized he had a work thing tonight so...

we decided to go back to bed and sleep in. woke up again, ate cereal, loaded our pup and 4 wheeler into the truck and headed into the fall morgan mountains. this is something each individual must do at some point because the trees and leafs are spectacular, the smells are invigorating and i cant speak for anyone else, but for me the company is unbeatable.


side note: jack mower, our new puppy-don't confuse him with jack bauer, HATES the 4wheeler and runs from it even after he got a joy ride before he got left at nana's.

colors

i am feeling very grateful today, and nostalgic. perhaps it is saying goodbye to my grandpa moe this weekend or the change in seasons or reality that i am growing up (mostly).

i drove home yesterday listening to some good old james taylor and my mind raced. suddenly i was in the suburban, the smell of my old dog torrey was perfuming the air, meg had her head out the window trying to ease her motion sickness. i was riding in my "special spot" aka: the top of the luggage in the VERY back of the burban.

we were on our way to the cabin or jackson lake or powell. without fail bob dylan, john denver and james taylor serenaded the majority of our trip. simon and garfunkel usually came too.

grace was playing her car games which meant my dad ALWAYS won. i had been told no less than a dozen times to NOT ask again how much longer. mom was calling out every so often "GLORY CHILDREN!" at whatever mountain or sunset or field we came across. boss was coaching jamie on driving. ten and two. checking the mirrors?

somehow these memories carry me in times of trouble. thinking of our little family, all compact in that car, occasionally fighting but usually laughing. all together. now we are spread out, further and further. we arent that little family anymore, now we all have our own families and memories to make. but part of me wants to go back and crawl into the back of the burb and savor those times again.

grandpa moe was a great man. his life was filled with adventure. he skied, piloted his own small plane, painted, fished, traveled to Australia, Africa, Europe, Mexico. he was always smiling and usually had an off color joke to share. he saw life as a glass all the way full. i have loved knowing him and loving him through my life.

in jackson he always, without fail, took us to see the buffalo. he took us painting, to get pizza at leeks, and was generous to take us out for ice cream and treats. he was a tease. he was funny.

i feel grateful for his vibrant and colorful life as i sit at my counter and watch the color slowly drain out of the earth, preparing for winter.

we are family

since it has been an eternity since i wrote any "jamie-isms" i thought it was about time.

yesterday we went to lunch and half way through i realized i had been wearing my shirt/tunic thing inside out...

j: that is how you know your clothes are too fancy, if you can't tell immediately which side is right.

the man is wise i tell ya.

also, just wanted to document it and tell the world that i LOVE my hubs! we have both been down with a nasty stomach flu AND we are both soda sober!!! as a result we have both been super sore. so yesterday he texted me and let me know he had gotten me a massage-what a guy!

darren is so much fun. i love our super-uno tournaments that last hours before bed (and usually end in 1/2 of us being angry), i love his humor, i LOVE his optimism and perseverance, i love his generosity and kindness. i also love watching better off ted and how i met your mother with him at night and hearing his giggle-it is charming.

boss man

i love my dad.

so, so, so many reasons.

i thought i would write down a few.

a few weeks ago i got to go to my cabin with just my dad...it was amazing. we took a tire off our back-hoe (bigger than i imagined it would be) but struggled getting the nuts and bolts off so i got a quick physics lesson in leverage as my dad used a fencing pole to get those suckers off.

we rode bikes all over the red earth that night, through the most magnificent summer sunset.

that night we slept on the balcony and my dad sang me hymns as i fell asleep. i love his voice. this took me back to climbing the grand with my dad and sister-we had been hiking for an eternity and still we were not to the upper saddle, feeling positive i could not go on, my dad whipped out his harmonica and played "if you could hie to kolob" as we hiked the last few miles.

just last night we went on a little date to look at horses...we sold the horse that got me through my early 20's. my dad saw i was struggling and had the idea to bring the horse up to lehi so i could ride him 4-5 times a week. it was one of my favorite summers, thanks to my daddy.

anyway, we went to see how this horse was doing last night. the little girl who got him adores him and dotes on him and brings him treats, he is in heaven. and truth be told, she runs him on the barrels 10 x better than i ever did.

before we left to the stable my dad looked at me and told me to take his new convertible, put the top down and enjoy the perfect evening and he would take my car and meet me there.

i love so many things about my dad but my favorite thing is spending time with him, and he is so generous with his time.

so long, farewell!

i said goodbye to one of my dearest friends last week. this friend has ALWAYS been there for me... good days and bad, to celebrate or just to hang out, before tests, after tests, and always around for my drive home.

i always have been able to find reasons or occasions to bring this friend around me, because just the presence- i found heavenly.

but, truthfully there came a point in my life where my happiness depended on this friend... i even smuggled this friend to girls camp because i knew i could not go 5 days alone (i was too scared to try to smuggle on trek, it was a LONG three days).

it was time to cut the cord from this dear friend that i became so dependent on. it has been a tough week. my body aches from the separation and my head has been pounding. i have wondered if i really needed to to take such serious measures...

but today has been one week exactly, and i feel amazing! so long diet coke!!!

six months

We have been married for 6 months today! It seems like the longest and fastest six months of my life!

LOTS of changes have happened, almost all great ones. And we have been busy making memories.

We have been to:
*Trek (we had the BEST family!!)
*Girls Camp
*Torrey Reunion
*St George
*Park City
*Phoenix

We have:
*MOVED to the most spectacular place on earth!!
*A new niece Miss Scarlet CAIT and a new nephew William Winslow and a ? on the way (not mine :)
*A new car (YAY!!)
*learned how to live with a member of the opposite sex
*been learning how to communicate
*learned how to not be a bachelor (darren)
*learned how to not be an only and adored child at home (me)
*learned how to budget/shop/cook/clean
*learned how to make friends in a new neighborhood and ward

TIME FLIES! it seems like yesterday darren was down on his knees in the snow...

dimples

yep. i LOVE darren's dimples. did you know a whole peanut m & m can fit inside this amazing facial feature? so can a candy corn. one of my favorite games...not one of his. shocking.

i am so overdue in documenting our lives. better late than never...

we got to go to the zoo and play with 8 month old bengal tigers. it was AMAZING! darren was in the cage for about 45 mins, i lasted maybe 5. i got picked out as the "weak one" and was escorted out. but they LOVED darren and played with him. it was (to quote my good friend barney stintson:) LEGEN wait for it...DARY!



side bar: i am apparently VERY allergic to said soft, yet fierce animals. my face blew up like a red balloon. my lips grew to three times their normal size (have you seen the pussy cat dolls lady-robin antin-on SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE this year? my lips looked worse than hers even)

anyways, one of the coolest things i have ever been able to do, all thanks to my awesome hubs and his golfing tendencies.

darren tore his hamstring at softball this week...


just in time for trek! i am not going as a single ma across the plains in two weeks so we are doing ice baths and being the nurturing, sweet, wife that i am; i requested the ice baths to take place in our guest bath so i could still enjoy my nightly bubble bath. what can i say? i am a giver.

we have been VERY busy watching the NBS finals and of course, so you think you can dance. why can't i dance? we have tried to teach me, it is pointless. why!? my hubs can dance!! i love it when he dances me. but let's be real...his talent lies in his krumpin skills! (incidentally these skills scared cath and me in san fran and heidi and me at the cabin, but now i HEART the skills since i understand what is going on and i don't think he is seizuring). he is buck! (yeah, i just learned what that meant)

what can i say? i love those darn dimples.

it's a...

nephew! sweet grayce and james finally had baby winslow william!!

i have been waiting for this day since last september when she filled me in that a baby was on the way...not sure how it felt for grace, but for me it was a long wait to meet this little guy!

he is perfect. i love the faces and sounds he makes while absorbed in baby dreams. he will smile, furrow his brow, squeak, almost cry and then look at peace all in about 10 seconds. his eyes are truly blue, just like his daddy. his lips are full and beautiful. he has 10 tiny fingers and 10 smashed toes and 2 fabulous froggy legs. each time i hold him i cant help but think of what a miracle life is.

grace is the most amazing, sweet momma. she really is. i could not be more impressed with her. or more grateful.

fore!

i love the hubs. he is golfing this week at myrtle beach. i miss him more than i realized was possible!!! here are a few reasons why:

*he makes me laugh, i LOVE his humor
*he is substantive
*he plays uno tournaments with my many nights before bed
*he is my biggest fan
*he is fun
*he is CRAZY COMPETITIVE!
*he makes me feel safe (maybe due to the many guns he has invested in?)
*he is smart
*he is an incredibly hard worker
*he is kind
*he is an amazing friend
*he eats my cooking
*he laughs at me (sometimes with me)
*he understands my heart
*he is good
*he bike rides with me
*he loves me despite my VERY serious fear of snakes
*he is optimistic
*he watches how i met your mother with me
*he is an unbelievable golfer and still takes me with him so i can have treats and read and play one or two holes
*he is passionate (mostly about his favorite radio host)
*he is reasoned (about everything else)
*he snores EVERY night, but still claims it is because he is sick or was in a funny position :)
*he is darling with his sisters and nieces AND nephews
*he watches idol with me and sandy and supports my crush on SCOTTY

so, here is hoping that first, he shoots even par (so he comes home happy) and second, that saturday comes FAST

home on the range

"to be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars...to spend as much time as you can, with body and with spirit, in God's-out-of-doors these are little guidespots on the footpath to peace" henry van dyke

this is the view from my house a few days ago. this quote helped me notice all the things going on around me that are "guidespots to peace".

obviously today it is snowing...how can i tell? because i have clean and shiny windows at my house thanks to the best mother-in-law who came and helped me wash them last night.

i love our home. i love looking out of our windows (finally clean) and seeing green rolling hills and mountains. sunday i woke up to the song a crane (side bar: it is less of a song and more of a death call).

we have 5 baby foxies that live in a hollow (fox hollow actually is what it is called-weird) on the way to our house and each night we see them playing and frolicking and experiencing life.

i LOVE rolling my window down on the way up the canyon and smelling earth and horses and cows and green. i didn't know green was a smell, but it is. even watching the brown and growing river is thrilling (maybe because we live up on the hill and are not in it's path?).

while we were eating dinner last night (after i cut my thumb and passed out, true story) we watched a little boy in our yard and field attacking thistles and practicing his karate or his crazy (still not sure). he was talking to himself the whole time and yelled at each foe before he chopped it down. enchanting.

yes your majesty

i love working with my bro. never a dull moment.

yesterday he made up "new" sign language so he could say "you bug me" to me, specifically. he points to me, walks his fingers up his desk (like a bug), and then points to himself.

today...he called me dumbo and then said "you may respond with 'yes sir', 'yes master' or 'yes your majesty'

also, he is ever whistling. sometime i will record this amazing talent so all can hear his majesty.

the hubs

yesterday was a dark day; literally and metaphorically. it hailed. i was pulled over. so was darren. different reasons. different times. different police officers. school projects due, tests to be studied for, offices to move, tests to take, dinner to make, papers to write and jobs to look for. my Philly cheese steak came out soggy and i filled up my tank for the fourth time in 5 days. AND my favorite idol was voted off (at least i still have scotty).

i know i have a good life, i do. i am blessed beyond measure. but what can i say? yesterday was the last straw. life, my good life, overwhelmed me.

this is a testament to how good i really do have it...darren walked into our kitchen late last night as he got home with these:


exhibits a-c: my favorite licorice [my own personal heroine (little shout out to edward and bella)], a large and beautiful diet coke and gorgeous spring flowers. what a guy!! darren is amazing for a million and one reasons... but the best reason today is not only that he brightens up my day, but that he helps me to seek light.

momma

rough week. finals. moving. papers. spending more time with my car than my hubs. most of all...rain, rain, rain. last night it hailed and woke me up. really weather? don't you know i need my vitamin d?!

well, i was worn a little thin today. momma saw me and first thing she did was hug me--her hugs are the best thing ever-worries melt away, concerns take flight and i feel good. then she said to hop in her car cause i needed some spring.

my mom is spring. she is happy, beautiful and fun. she is substantive. she fills me with energy. she is the crisp air kissing my face. she is the first green grass. momma is the bright daffodils lining my path home, that keep me hoping for warmer days.

ignorance is bliss

i already have a hard time sleeping at night, but apparently i wanted to make it as hard as possible on myself...

i was listening to ksl talk radio today and they mentioned a new app that has a current updated list of sex offenders so i thought i would check it out while waiting for my eyebrows to be waxed! why can't i just read magazines like normal people?

anyways, i have sealed my fate to never sleep again. thanks technology. and offenders.

LIFE

after viewing so much sadness and grief from different loved ones this past week; and feeling a renewed dedication to actually experiencing life instead of watching from the sidelines, i am dedicating this post to LIFE.

"achieving life is not the equivalent of avoiding death"

spring is always my favorite time of year, probably because winter is hard for me. i love seeing green grass creep in and bulbs fighting their way through spring snow showers. i love witnessing the transformation of a dreary and empty world to a world full of blossoms and blooms and NEW LIFE. we sleep with our window open and i love waking to the sound of bird calls.

it is amazing to me how i sometimes resign. i go through the actions and through the day, but not with any gusto or real purpose. i vow to not let this happen again. i attended a viewing this week and displayed were all the interested of this man...his climbing gear, his ski boots, his photography, notes to his wife. it was nothing short of inspiring (despite the horrible circumstances) to see and witness the accomplishments of this man which were so tangible.

it made me wonder what i had to show. i could not think of much. hence, this post and new motivation inside me to live.

i spent the weekend with a pinched nerve at the cabin. it was miserable because i couldnt look left at all and had limited range of motion on my right. this made me realize that i have been living with a kinked neck and pinched nerve! i have limited my views, without realizing it. but now i am moving forward with no limits and a full perspective as i pursue life.

this week also opened my eyes to all i take for granted...especially my sweet husband. we are a woman and man and far from perfect! but he is so sweet to me. he works so hard for our family and often late into the evening. he surprised me last week with a gorgeous SPRING bouquet because he knew the snow was getting me down. he brings me home diet coke's when he knows i have had a long day and rubs my feet (this is truly amazing because the man HATES feet) and he spent the weekend massaging my neck and back, bringing my hot pads and making me comfortable. i am so lucky to have him as my companion. i love our family night prayers and the texts i get from him through out the day just checking in. he is supportive of all my crazy ideas and pursuits and he loves me despite all my oddities. i am lucky.

today is the day i make all my tomorrow's happen...and take the step from reserved and resigned to LIVING.

rules

we have a very serious "no eating in bed" policy at our home. now, this policy has been difficult for me to support because our only tv lives in our room AND i usually want popcorn or nilla wafers or cereal or cheetos to eat to enhance my viewing experience. i am allowed to eat on the floor next to the bed, but then i am not comfortable, so you can see it is a tricky situation.

BUT last night, i had fallen asleep in bed while reading and i awoke to my sweet husband bringing in *homemade* strawberry ice cream to consume IN BED, not on the floor next to the bed, while we watched les miserables 2010 anniversary dvd...what a guy!!

our bishopric visited last night and they were so funny talking about the "theories" of newly-weds and how quickly those theories fly out the window and are replaced with experience and reality. i am really hoping "no eating in bed" is one of those theories!

mr & mrs

it's official. we tied the knot! i am not really sure what i thought marriage would be like, but it is the best thing. i love that after we kiss goodnight we just fall asleep instead of climbing into the freezing cold car to start the hour commute home.

darren is so much fun! i learn this every day in a new way and i love it. i keep feeling like i want more and more and more time with this man, i just can't get my fill. he is SO patient with me. i love that he makes me laugh and i LOVE it when i can get him to laugh.

i don't think life can get any better than this.

driving home tonight i could not help but feel humbled and blessed that darren is going to marry me. he is who i want to spend my life and eternity with because he is fun and witty. he makes me laugh and smile. darren is great with people, he is kind. i love to see his love for his family and friends. darren is hard working and perseveres in the face of challenge. darren loves the Savior and his gratitude has depth. i cannot wait to marry this man and raise a family together.

today our ward had a combined r/s and priesthood and our sweet new bishop taught the lesson on marriage and families. he mentioned the importance of our paths...if we are having family home evening, family prayer and family scripture study and regular temple attendance then our families are armed with righteousness and the adversary has more to do. of course hardships still happen and children still struggle and have agency, but they are armed with the strength of family who has had eternal perspective at heart. this really hit me hard today as we are preparing to marry in two weeks and five days (YAY!) i want to start out on the right path and stay on it so our children may know who to look towards.